token white roommate

Most people probably don’t know that I had a token white roommate in college. His name was Joe. He was half Irish. Or maybe it was a quarter Irish. I don’t remember now. But I know he was at least part Irish because he always made a big deal out of celebrating Saint Patrick’s day.

Most people also probably don’t know that I used to have a food blog which has now been dead for about four years. If I actually kept at it four years ago, I bet it actually could’ve made some real money. I’ve been meaning to restart it over the past few years, but I’ve been lazy. Which is fitting because the blog was called “Lazy Man Food.”

So anyways, in honor of my token white roommate and my dead food blog I’ve decided to write a Lazy Man Food recipe.

First things first you need to get off your lazy man butt. Yes I know it sucks getting off your lazy man butt, but I promise the rest of this will be easy. Now go to the store and buy those things you see in the picture above. One pack of corned beef, one pack of baby carrots, some of those mini potatoes, one head of cabbage, and the most important ingredient, one 32 or 40 ounce bottle of cheap beer. They always make a point of stuffing that bottle of beer into a small paper bag for you. Makes me feel like an alcoholic.

Oh yea and you’ll need a crock pot. I probably should’ve mentioned that before you went and got all those ingredients. If you don’t have one, buy one. It’s worth it. For lazy men who like food it’s probably the single greatest invention since sliced bread. No wait, it’s better than sliced bread because it cooks meat. 

Now rinse off those potatoes and toss them in the bottom of the crock pot. Toss some of those baby carrots in there as well. Now take that nice sexy slab of salt brined meat and lay it down on top of that bed of veggies.

Now take that bottle of cheap beer and open it. You can take a swig while no one’s looking if you’re so inclined. That’s fine. It’s totally acceptable for the chef to make sure his ingredients are fresh. In fact, I think it’s encouraged by most professional chefs. Now that you know that the beer is fresh, you can pour it into the crock pot with confidence.

Now that you have a nice bubbly beer bath setup for your ingredients, take that head of cabbage, rinse it off and cut it into 4 pieces and toss it into the bath.

That’s it. Oh wait. You need to cover the crock pot, plug it in and turn it on. Set it on low then take a nice nap for 8 to 12 hours. When you wake up you can enjoy a nice Irish boiled dinner.

Oh yea, and to my old token white roommate Joe, if you actually read my crappy blog that I gave you the link to on that little piece of scrap paper when I visited you down in socal that you probably threw away as soon as I left so you’re probably not actually gonna read this–

Happy early Saint Patrick’s Day.

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